Friendships Change All Too Quickly

Friendships and relationships are my hobby. I love sitting down with someone with a cup of coffee and talking about the deep things of our hearts, or with a group of people hanging out, having fun. I invest a lot of my time and my heart in the people that are in my life. The sad thing is that those friendships are constantly changing. My life has been a series of short-term community-living experiences so my relationships continually change. In a few months this will happen again. I am moving 14 hours away to start college. I've become very nostalgic recently as I'm starting to process the change that is coming. I find myself wanting to cling tightly to my friends, not wanting to let them go. I want to soak up every moment that I have with them. I realize that this has happened before and I've survived, embracing a new group of people.

Spring reminds me of the process that God has set in motion for growth and new life. Just as the flowers and trees seem to die in the Winter we must accept the 'death' in our lives in order to embrace the new life that God has in store for us. Donald Miller says it well in Through Painted Deserts, “I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently.” Change brings growth, and I'm thankful for that.  

Lectio Divina

My small group has been focusing on a scripture meditation method called lectio divina. It has been really cool to see God speak when we actually stop and listen for his voice through his written word. Today, I was particularly blessed by the passage we read. Every verse has specific meaning in what God is doing in this season of my life.

Psalm 118: 19-29

Open for me the gates where the righteous enter,
and I will go in and thank the Lord.
These gates lead to the presence of the Lord,
and the godly enter there.
I thank you for answering my prayer
and giving me victory!

(I asked the Lord to open the doors if it was his will as I've prayed the past few months about being accepted to MBI. The doors are now open)

The stone that the builders rejected
has now become the cornerstone.
This is the Lord’s doing,
and it is wonderful to see.
This is the day the Lord has made.
We will rejoice and be glad in it.

(I had rejected the idea of school and wanted to avoid it all costs. But God placed it as the core of the next phase of my journey. It has been so encouraging to see God work in his mysteries!)
Please, Lord, please save us.
Please, Lord, please give us success.

(Now as school is a reality for me, I have begun to plead for favor in my studies.)

Bless the one who comes in the name of the Lord.
We bless you from the house of the Lord.
The Lord is God, shining upon us.
Take the sacrifice and bind it with cords on the altar.

(I am filled with excitement for what God has planned but I will have to continually surrender my fears of inadequacy to him.)
You are my God, and I will praise you!
You are my God, and I will exalt you!
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever.

(Asking me to surrender what has been the symbol of all my fears is a step towards new life, and a deeper, more intimate relationship with him. I know that though this will be hard it is part of the refining process and I can't wait to see his faithfulness as he continues to mold me in his likeness!)

The Flesh Wins Out All Too Often

I grew up as a naive Christian girl. I followed the rules, I didn't swear, I didn't go to parties that would get me in trouble, I didn't lie, steal or cheat. All of a sudden, I found myself in sin and caught in a circle of lies that told me that I wasn't doing anything wrong. Even after the Holy Spirit convicted me of my actions I couldn't get out of it. In my own strength I could not defeat it. It took months of prayer to overcome the stronghold in my life. A few years later, I was 21 and backpacking through Europe with a few friends. We were enjoying the European culture and making sure we went out for drinks in every town we went. I didn't do anything wrong and I was never at the point of being out of control but I could tell that I was enjoying the idea of alcohol too much and romanticizing the situation. I knew that if I didn't take a stand, this too could take control of my life; so I made a decision to not drink any alcohol for at least a year. There are plenty more examples of times in my own life that fleshly desires won out over what I knew in my heart to be right. When I start to think of myself as righteous, they serve as reminders to me that no one is above sin and deception. I am so thankful for God's grace in my life!