It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.I hope you all get to experience becoming. I hope that you can accept the wearing down, and loosening of joints and shabbiness that comes with it. Because if you do you will know true love and with that love comes true beauty. Thank you to those of you who have been a part of my becoming process. I love you.
Monday, November 18, 2013
The Truth of Children's Literature
Have you ever been struck by the deep truths found in certain children's stories after reading them again as an adult? One of my favorites for this reason is The Velveteen Rabbit. Two years ago I was a counselor at summer camp and I grabbed a stack of old books from my parent's house to have in my cabin for the summer. One night during mini week I decided to read it as a bed time story to my girls (ages 8-10). I hadn't heard the story probably since it was read to me as a child and I wasn't prepared for the profound truth found in it's pages. I was so struck by it that even in the dark cabin, one of the girls could tell I was getting choked up and asked so innocently, "Are you crying?" The truth is, now as an adult I have experienced the wearing down process of becoming real. Here is an excerpt:
Saturday, November 9, 2013
The Blessing of Friendship
Today I'm thankful for friends. I am amazed at the incredible blessing my friends have been in my life. Over the past 15 years the group of my closest friends has changed several times, depending on where I've been, but in each season that group of people has meant the world to me. I often wonder why these people have loved me. I know there's nothing that incredible about me, I don't say that in a self-deprecating way, but honestly knowing my faults I don't see a reason. So I'm thankful for the blessing that they are.
There are times when I get discouraged by the fact I've had to leave so many groups of friends. Saying goodbye is never easy especially if you don't know if those relationships will ever be the same. But today I'm able to see the blessing of having had so many godly people who have surrounded me and walked with me in this journey. We laugh, cry, travel and learn together. So if you're one of these people, I want to thank you; you've challenged and encouraged me in my walk with the Lord and have blessed me beyond what words can express. It's easy to hold on to the past and long for nothing to change. I'm beginning to see that by looking at the past I can trust that wherever the Lord leads me he will also provide fellowship with friends, whoever they may be.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Then There Was One
Today my little sister got engaged!
It's a day of excitement, squeals, stories, pictures, blessings and memories to last a life time. I was not prepared for the text and picture that announced her engagement as well as requesting that I be her maid of honor. It was met with excitement and joy, followed by a phone call to hear all the details and share in her excitement. As the day progressed, I was hit with multiple waves of emotion; unexpected sadness. The reality is settling in that I am now the older, unmarried sister. This realization is accompanied by lies, fear, and maybe some jealousy. My "little" sister is not too young to be getting married; she'll be 25 in about 2 months. I think that's what makes it harder, while both of us were single it was easier to accept. Both being aunties, neither of us on the road to having our own families. Now I'm alone.
This might all seem over dramatic. But as a single woman, nearing 30, attending undergrad, surrounded by kids getting engaged left and right at this "Bridal" Bible school, I can't help but feel it's a little unfair. I went up to the rooftop of my building to cry and pray. I asked God to bless their marriage and draw them closer to himself. I don't think I can sit back and watch another marriage turn mediocre. Then I begged for the grace for myself to remain faithful to his timing.
So, Jill, if you happen to read this, don't misunderstand me. I am more excited for you than I can express in words. I've been an overprotective, big sister over the years. I hated watching you get your heart broken and wanted nothing more than a wonderful, godly man for you. I knew from the beginning Zack was different, despite the criticism from some. Since you've been dating him I've seen you draw closer to the Lord and that impresses me. I pray that as you begin to prepare for your life together, your relationship is founded on Christ and that you would face whatever comes your way through his power. I love you!
It's a day of excitement, squeals, stories, pictures, blessings and memories to last a life time. I was not prepared for the text and picture that announced her engagement as well as requesting that I be her maid of honor. It was met with excitement and joy, followed by a phone call to hear all the details and share in her excitement. As the day progressed, I was hit with multiple waves of emotion; unexpected sadness. The reality is settling in that I am now the older, unmarried sister. This realization is accompanied by lies, fear, and maybe some jealousy. My "little" sister is not too young to be getting married; she'll be 25 in about 2 months. I think that's what makes it harder, while both of us were single it was easier to accept. Both being aunties, neither of us on the road to having our own families. Now I'm alone.
This might all seem over dramatic. But as a single woman, nearing 30, attending undergrad, surrounded by kids getting engaged left and right at this "Bridal" Bible school, I can't help but feel it's a little unfair. I went up to the rooftop of my building to cry and pray. I asked God to bless their marriage and draw them closer to himself. I don't think I can sit back and watch another marriage turn mediocre. Then I begged for the grace for myself to remain faithful to his timing.
So, Jill, if you happen to read this, don't misunderstand me. I am more excited for you than I can express in words. I've been an overprotective, big sister over the years. I hated watching you get your heart broken and wanted nothing more than a wonderful, godly man for you. I knew from the beginning Zack was different, despite the criticism from some. Since you've been dating him I've seen you draw closer to the Lord and that impresses me. I pray that as you begin to prepare for your life together, your relationship is founded on Christ and that you would face whatever comes your way through his power. I love you!
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Purity
This semester God has been teaching me about what it means to be righteous. It's not what I would like to think it is. That being living a generally 'good' and moral life. It's not just looking the part outwardly or holding your tongue when certain things cross your mind. It's more about surrender, obedience, discipline, discretion, purity, and wisdom. But what do these words mean? What does it look like for my character to be marked by these things? Today I want to focus on purity.
"How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word." -Psalm 119:9
So often we (especially women) talk about guarding our hearts. Usually we are referring to protecting it from being broken by some man that will come along and potentially smash it to pieces. But I've been challenged to see this as less about defense and more about offense. Psalm 119:9 says we can stay pure by guarding ourselves according to God's word. Scripture if full of directions to flee from evil and keeping ourselves from sin. What is sin? Anything that takes our minds and hearts from the love of Christ. Too often we justify ourselves with reasoning that our actions are not bad, but no matter how innocent the action is if it keeping us from drawing closer to Christ and abiding in him, it is sin. So I was challenged to look at four specific areas of my life and outline some clear convictions that I can use to measure when my heart starts to wander.
My Activities: I need to be using my time wisely and keeping my thoughts on Christ. It is so easy for me to waste time on media when I could be diligently getting things done.
My Dress: Am I seeking attention by what I wear? Am I in a secret competition with other women? Am I honoring my brothers in how I dress?
My Speech: I need to check my spirit to make sure the words I speak are edifying to the body of Christ and are rooted in humility.
My Relationships with Men: I need to make sure I'm not finding my identity in that relationship. Even if my actions and time with guys are not inappropriate, they could still be unhealthy. I must first be fulfilled in my love of Christ.
"If there is an Enemy of Souls (and I have not the slightest doubt that there is), one thing he cannot abide is the desire for purity. Hence a man's or woman's passions become his battleground. The Lover of Souls does not prevent this. I was perplexed because it seemed to me He should prevent it, but He doesn't. He wants us to learn to use our weapons." -Elisabeth Elliot
"How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word." -Psalm 119:9
So often we (especially women) talk about guarding our hearts. Usually we are referring to protecting it from being broken by some man that will come along and potentially smash it to pieces. But I've been challenged to see this as less about defense and more about offense. Psalm 119:9 says we can stay pure by guarding ourselves according to God's word. Scripture if full of directions to flee from evil and keeping ourselves from sin. What is sin? Anything that takes our minds and hearts from the love of Christ. Too often we justify ourselves with reasoning that our actions are not bad, but no matter how innocent the action is if it keeping us from drawing closer to Christ and abiding in him, it is sin. So I was challenged to look at four specific areas of my life and outline some clear convictions that I can use to measure when my heart starts to wander.
My Activities: I need to be using my time wisely and keeping my thoughts on Christ. It is so easy for me to waste time on media when I could be diligently getting things done.
My Dress: Am I seeking attention by what I wear? Am I in a secret competition with other women? Am I honoring my brothers in how I dress?
My Speech: I need to check my spirit to make sure the words I speak are edifying to the body of Christ and are rooted in humility.
My Relationships with Men: I need to make sure I'm not finding my identity in that relationship. Even if my actions and time with guys are not inappropriate, they could still be unhealthy. I must first be fulfilled in my love of Christ.
"If there is an Enemy of Souls (and I have not the slightest doubt that there is), one thing he cannot abide is the desire for purity. Hence a man's or woman's passions become his battleground. The Lover of Souls does not prevent this. I was perplexed because it seemed to me He should prevent it, but He doesn't. He wants us to learn to use our weapons." -Elisabeth Elliot
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
2012 In Review
As I look back over the past year I am reminded of how much it revolved around PAIN and HEARTACHE. The majority of the year was endured with constant physical pain, which was accompanied by emotional and spiritual BATTLES. Satan certainly knows how to kick us when we're down. My heart breaks when I review my relationships and how many of them have changed. I've lost a few of my closest friends due to unfortunate circumstances, I'm not sure if they will ever be the same. And there are some that have CHANGED because of geography or just time; that change is hard for me.
But the year wasn't all bad, although it was hard I found some HOPE & JOY in the midst of the difficulties! Some of my happy moments: SPRING time in Chicago, being a COUNSELOR at camp, celebrating with friends and family who got MARRIED, and my HEALING from surgery. There are also personal victories that I am glad to remember. I spoke at VESPERS at camp. It was a year of learning how to love FRIENDS in new ways. Jesus was teaching me more about what it means to SURRENDER and TRUST him. And I began to SEEK the QUIET times with Jesus.
Something I wish I'd done differently is walk more confidently in who I am in Christ and acting more boldly in his will. I wish I didn't get caught up on the opinions of others and would have let him speak through me more often.
Here are a few SCRIPTURE references that I found comfort in over the year:
Lamentations 3:21-26, 31-33
Psalm 31:19
Psalm 73:26
2 Corinthians 12 (vs 9)
Philippians 4:4-7
I get to start this 27th year of my life focusing on Christ and what he has done for me. I live in the GRACE that he has given me. I will seek to TRUST him in all circumstances.
But the year wasn't all bad, although it was hard I found some HOPE & JOY in the midst of the difficulties! Some of my happy moments: SPRING time in Chicago, being a COUNSELOR at camp, celebrating with friends and family who got MARRIED, and my HEALING from surgery. There are also personal victories that I am glad to remember. I spoke at VESPERS at camp. It was a year of learning how to love FRIENDS in new ways. Jesus was teaching me more about what it means to SURRENDER and TRUST him. And I began to SEEK the QUIET times with Jesus.
Something I wish I'd done differently is walk more confidently in who I am in Christ and acting more boldly in his will. I wish I didn't get caught up on the opinions of others and would have let him speak through me more often.
Here are a few SCRIPTURE references that I found comfort in over the year:
Lamentations 3:21-26, 31-33
Psalm 31:19
Psalm 73:26
2 Corinthians 12 (vs 9)
Philippians 4:4-7
I get to start this 27th year of my life focusing on Christ and what he has done for me. I live in the GRACE that he has given me. I will seek to TRUST him in all circumstances.
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