Sometimes scriptures become nothing more than Bible stories
that we've heard our whole lives, and sometimes they change our lives. Last
week I had an encounter in which the Holy Spirit illuminated scripture in a way
that changed my life. I was participating in a
Lectio Divina
reading of John 11:38-44, the last half of the story of Lazarus. As I was
looking to see myself as a character in the story, this is what unfolded:
I found myself first as Martha,
Lazarus’ sister. Standing outside the tomb as Jesus asked for the stone to be
rolled away I advise Him that it is not a good idea. There is no use to rolling
it away, four days is long enough to accept that death is reality and what you
will find inside the tomb is not pretty. There are feelings of indignation towards
Jesus, my Lord who could have prevented this scenario. “Then Jesus said, ‘Did I
not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?’” He gently
reminds me of his promise as He confronts my unbelief.
The feelings of indignation are
multiplied as the scene changes and I see myself huddled in a corner of the
dark tomb. I’m aware that Jesus is standing just outside and my heart is
flooded with emotion. “I asked you to
come earlier, you had plenty of time to show up. I trusted you, I believed you
were going to come, even up to the last moment. Now it’s too late, I’m dead.”
Then I hear something, it’s Jesus, he’s calling to me, “Krystle, come out!” My
heart jumps, there is hope. Jesus wants to give me new life!
This seemingly simple truth has
struck me so profoundly. I’m realizing the parts of myself that have died and
the blame that I have placed on Jesus as a result. As Martha did with the death
of her brother, I’m able to grieve those things and acknowledge the internal death
as a cruel reality. As Jesus challenges my unbelief I’m given a choice to let
go of those indignant feelings. I can choose to accept a new reality that comes
with new life. Jesus CHOSE to arrive at the moment for God’s greatest glory. He
did not come too late.
I’m now faced with the question of
how a dead man lives again. How can years of wallowing in death be transformed
to new life? I cannot pick up life where it left off, I’ve experienced death
and that changes things. The expectations of what my life should or will look
like must change. The old life and the experience of death are still part of
me, but this is a new season of life.
I cannot help but think of many of
my friends and family who have also experienced death of some kind. Haven’t we
all lost hopes & dreams, friendships & loved ones, health &
possessions? We have let that death become our identity and are hiding in the
grave, our souls rotting. Jesus, we want to see the glory of God, help our
unbelief!
