Discipline

There is a difference between discipline and punishment. Disciple is a vision for the future that enacts things today. Hebrews 12:5-6 says, “My son do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.” We need boundaries and consistently ask God to show us he loves us. Because he so loves us he chooses to wound us. We can never be good enough. We fall short at our very best, but we can approach the throne of grace with confidence because of the cross. A.W.Tozer said this: “God cannot use mightily the man whom he has not wounded deeply." Discipline is shaping and molding, not because you've done something wrong but to keep you from straying. As a child of God, he will not let me stay comfortable for long. Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, “Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." So is this herniated disc my thorn in my flesh? I have been drawn closer to him by it, so yes I believe that God is using this physical pain to mold me.

Jesus help me boast in this weakness. Let me continually find my strength in you and be shaped by your discipline.

Captivated

 I want to not only be captivated by WHAT my God can DO, but also WHO my God IS. So often we reflect on our lives and look for the 'God moments'. When doing that we look to see what God has done in our situations. How often do we long and search to find who God is; the beauty and awesomeness of his being? Augustine said, “How sweet all at once it was for me to be rid of those fruitless joys which I had once feared to lose!…You drove them from me, You who are true, the sovereign joy. You drove them from me and took their place, You who are sweeter than all pleasure.”
In Mark 2, Jesus is asked why his disciples didn't fast. His response was “How can the guests of the bridegroom fast while he is with them? They cannot, so long as they have him with them. But the time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them, and on that day they will fast.” More often then not, I am not fasting to find more of Christ. I want to deeply yearn for more of him, my bridegroom. I do not want to focus on what he can do for me. I want to know that he is better than everything else! I must diligently seek his face. I agree with Martin Luther when he prayed this: “I wish to devote my mouth and my heart to you; I shall teach the people. I myself will learn and ponder diligently upon Your Word. Use me as Your instrument -- but do not forsake me, for if ever I should be on my own, I would easily wreck it all. Amen”

Jesus, captivate us with more of who you are!

Song of Songs

There's a reason certain things are repeated several times in scripture. The Song of Songs is meant to show us the natural beauty of romance and marriage. There is a phrase that is repeated 3 times throughout the 8 chapters. A midst the passion of the book we are warned, "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" (Song of Songs 8:4). I think this is wise advise. 

Pieces

Stability. I lost it.

I consider myself a stable person. I don't get stressed easily. I have control of my emotions. Almost rock-like some might say. ;) So I was caught off-guard last week when I had an emotional breakdown. Sure, I have a lot going on in my life right now; first semester in college, living in a dorm, 12 hours from my closest friends and family, and severe pain due to a herniated disc. But that's no reason to lose control. That's exactly what happened. All it took was my mother asking how I was doing. My heart fell to the ground in a hundred pieces, and there I was, sobbing from the pain, realizing that I'm not strong enough to carry that load.

What did I learn from it? Trust. Surrender. Hope. Peace. Joy.

Trust that I can surrender my burdens to the Lord. He is faithful.

Hope that he will carry me through my current circumstances, or give me strength to endure.

Filled with peace and joy as a result.

“May the God of hope fill you with all JOY and PEACE as you TRUST in him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit.” ~Romans 15:13

The Harlot

 It's not easy to claim the title of harlot, but over the last few years I've realized that I need to. When I look at my life I see that time and time again I have walked away from true love. I find myself being “satisfied by the call of lovers less wild” (Derek Webb). I was reminded again of my tendency this semester. I was pouring out my heart to God about all the emotions and stress that was weighing me down. I wanted relief and answers to all that I was struggling with. Mid-pour God gently stuck out his finger and tipped the pitcher back up. He showed me what I was filling the bowl with and it wasn't pretty. I was absorbed with myself and had lost sight of his will. I was so consumed by the immediate emotions and problems that I had stopped seeking what he wanted to do in me. It was only a month ago when I was excited about what he had in store. Thankfully he is a Father who loves to refine us. Every time I walk away from his love he is there to take me back again. 

  "I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness and you will acknowledge the LORD" ~ Hosea 2:19-20

I Am Afraid

I have lived most of my life paralyzed by fear. I have left it creep in and hold me back from doing a lot of things through the years. This is not how I want to live my life; instead I want to live a full life, free in Christ. I can become more than my fears tell me that I can or will be; just like David did when he stood against Goliath. I want to run to face those things that keep me back from chasing after God and exchange my fears for what is greater. The trust in God that gave David the strength to run toward Goliath is what I need to lean on and remember that it is not up to me to defeat my fears. I only have to let God guide my actions and follow his voice of truth. Going back to school is the biggest leap of faith I've taken, probably my whole life. When I let my fears speak to me I am terrified that I am going to fail but as I listen to Christ I know he will teach me to rise above those crippling fears and live a life that reveals his glory.

1 Samuel 17:48- As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him.

God's glory is made perfect in my weakness

A good friend of mine told me that this summer at camp was going to be hard for me; but that the outcome would be worth it. I knew that the summer would come with it's fair share of challenges; mostly expectations that I put on myself to improve in the role I was coming back to. I was not however, anticipating the distractions and roller coaster of emotions that came with the challenges. The first half of my summer was full of distractions that pulled my focus away from camp and where I thought it should be. Satan used every little foot-hold he could find and soon had me full of guilt. I expressed my feelings of inadequacy and weakness to a few close friends and I was encouraged by their responses. They told me that they had received encouragement and seen God working through me. God was using me without me even knowing it! In spite of my feelings he had been speaking to others through me. As much as I would like to take credit for doing some really cool things and having great ideas, I can't because anything great that happened this summer was not from me but from God. It is so good to know that it's not about me! I'm honored that he chooses to use us to carry out his purposes and relieved to know that I don't have to strive to be the best, he will be glorified most when we get out of the way.