A few weeks ago I was at my wit's end. I had let my pride and self-reliance come between me and God. I was desperate for change. I hesitantly journaled asking God to do whatever it would take to strip away that hindrance. One week later I was taken to the ER in an ambulance. For 4 days, I only got out of bed to be wheeled to the bathroom in a wheelchair. I was forced to let people do almost everything for me. I was mostly embarrassed that this was being made into such a big deal. I hated that everyone was taking care of my every need.
Then I realized that this is what it was going to take. God was forcing me to rely on someone other than myself. A good friend told me that by trying to do things myself and keeping others from helping me was depriving them of the love they wanted to show me. The more I talked to the girls around me, they explained that it was a blessing for them to be able to help me. I began to understand that humility doesn't always look like serving. Sometimes it means letting others serve you when everything in you is screaming to do it yourself.
It's amazing how much God is teaching me through this whole process of pain. And I know he will continue to do so even after the surgery in 2 weeks! As hard as it has been, I'm thankful for all of it, truly.
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